Why the negativity?

…..hands up who is having a bad day?
…..hands up who let negative thoughts win out

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…..hands up who is feeling positive today?

I bet like me most of you agree to the top 2 right?
Well let’s see if we can’t change that eh?!
I am feeling a change of the wind!

You all know I am in introvert, its nothing new.
But today I went right back to being a 6 year old.
I went to pick up my oldest from school and I stood in the playground, talked to no one and played with my jumper.
In my head I was shouting out what are you doing? You are a 28 year old woman! GET A GRIP!
My stupid walls went up and I hid behind them like a cowering child!
Why? Why do I fear people I don’t know when I see them face to face?
It doesn’t seem right that I am more comfortable writing words on my blog under the assumption that its like a diary…that people read.
But I can’t help being who I am I guess.
Sometimes I wish that I was more open, more chatty, more confident.

But I came to a realisation yesterday when having a discussion about personality types on #fireworkpeople Facebook group.
A fellow ISFJ asked how others with the same type personality felt – and me being me showered her with positive thoughts and outlooks. I even found a quote that if it isn’t talking about me then I am a monkeys uncle…or aunty!
“ISFJ’s are true altruists meeting kindness with kindness in excess”
This is what I do. I can’t be positive about myself. But I will darn well make someone feel good about themselves.
I refuse to hear/watch/see people hurting.
I will do everything in my power to help them.
With words
A hug
A listening ear
The words ‘it’ll be ok’ go a surprisingly long way.

Why I am not so good to myself?
That’s an excellent question
I can’t say.

I sometimes feel that I am here to help others with my openness in my words.
I may not be open in person
But boy can I express my feelings with writing.
That’s one thing you can count on from me, no matter how poopy my day is I can still write my heart out.
It makes me feel better sometimes just to get my emotions out in the only way I feel comfortable doing so.

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This is what I need to instill in my own life.
To be positive
Less negative
I am so good at being awful to myself
I may be falling apart and my heart full of scars from my past and present.
But I do I make my future seem to head the same way?
Why do I send myself out there and say go ahead darkness take me?
What I should say is up yours darkness! You can never have me, no matter how broken I am!

Today I decided I am going to write down my feelings, my quotes my words in a book.
I started writing a song today!
Perhaps writing positive things is my forte?!

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So I want to be a star in all the right ways.
I can shine through the darkness, and overcome
I can be a shining light for someone else
I am slowly coming to terms with the person I am

The person with many different scars, physical and metaphorical
The person who has suffered
The person who’s dad died doing what he knew to be the right thing.
But if I was in the same position I would do the same thing
This doesn’t define me
This makes me stronger

The person who is not going be a skinny lady no matter how hard she tries.
The red head and proud baby!!
My freckles are my unique mark, making me stand out for all the right reasons.
So I am not confident in person! Big woop!
Does that make me different?
Yup and I like that way!

The more I write about myself the more I like these things.

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So let’s think positive
Let’s send out love to those who need it today.
Be your own shining star 💖
Be your own beacon of light.

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Exactly.
We don’t need to prove our worth to anyone.
We are enough without the approval of others.

Be the best you that you can be. Everyday.
I know I will, starting today.

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12 thoughts on “Why the negativity?

  1. This is beautiful Charlotte! I have to say, the more we focus on the good… on seeing the gold – in others and in ourselves, the easier it gets! I can speak for me… the intentional re-traiining of my thoughts have changed my natural bent so much – I am not immune to negative thoughts or feelings, of course – but that is not my default anymore! I am visiting from our 31Dayers fb group and I am so glad that I stopped by!

    Like

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