Good day all.
I have known about this ‘thing’ between mums for some time, but I never knew it had a name.
Thanks to the joys of the Google search engine I discovered its called “mom shaming”
Just recently our oldest has been learning to stay dry at nighttime. At 6am she gets up to pee, and then is too scared to go back in her bedroom. So we let her come in our bed for a bit.
I am not one for bed sharing generally and I have no problem with the concept. However in this instance to avoid a crying 4 year old in the wee hours of the morning I happily or should I say sleepily oblige.
However, when you talk to other mum there seems to be the ones that say “oh goodness I would never let my children share a bed with me” bringing up all these facts just to make you feel awful. So you then try and rethink what you do.
I have always been the kind of person not to judge any mum for how they raise their children.
Something that has been in the news just recently is breastfeeding.
We are sold the idea during pregnancy that breast is best.
Now I have no doubt that it is. Its natural and free.
But not all mums can do it.
My mum never breastfed any of us…and she had 5 children
My oldest was born very small and wouldn’t latch on. So she ended up being formula fed.
Ariana was breastfed for 4 weeks and then formula fed.
James was breastfed for 6 weeks then I developed and infection and he has been breastfed ever since.
Now what bothers me is that when mums start breastfeeding their babies in a public place they are made to feel so awful. They are either asked to stop or leave. I was in a coffeeshop recently and was taking my daughter to the bathroom, when I walked in there was a young woman sitting on the floor breastfeeding her baby.
This poor woman was made to feel so bad that she was forced into the bathroom to feed her child.
I feel inadequate for not being able to breastfeed my babies for longer but I would never make anyone feel bad for feeding their child.
What we need to do is support each other. We are all mums no matter how we feed our kids we need to be there for each other.
This is a controversial one you may think.
Working mums Vs stay at home mums.
I am a stay at home mum.
When bella (my oldest) was born I was a working mum, as at the time it was the only option what with a big mortgage and bills to pay.
Will I be shamed for this?
I have been a stay at home mum for a year and a half now.
Hubby changed jobs and is just about earning enough to cover all things ☺
But what I found upsetting about this is that I am considered to be a lazy, jobless, government money claiming mum. Who only has children to claim all she can.
I find this so awful. If you don’t work boy are you shamed.
Apparently, being a mum isn’t a full time, 24 hour job…who knew!
But then you on the other side you have the working mum.
I find these women truly inspiring
They work full days, get home make dinner, feed the family, get them ready for bed and keep their houses clean!
They do so much its unreal.
But they are criticised for working.
For putting their child in daycare
For not raising them so to speak
I have heard the phrase “why did you have kids if you aren’t going to raise them” so many times.
It is very hurtful to judge.
They work because the have to. Its not always such a cut and dry situation.
Basically, its the whole thing with society again. We are given views on how parenting should be.
Breastfeeding vs bottle feeding
Bed sharing vs own bed
Homemade baby food vs jarred baby food
Stay at home vs working
Homeschooling vs regular school
I think that we need to stick together as mums.
We all do the same job
We are all mums no matter how we parent.
Me? I am not one for organic food, but I try and make homemade meals. When my babies are 4 months old I use the crying method to help them settle to sleep (a lot of mums don’t agree with this) I bottle feed and don’t use dummies.
If my kids are poorly or sad, they come in our bed
I stay down stairs with any of the kids that are teething
I make and freeze my own baby food
I am hyper organised with getting the kids ready for the day, but when it comes to me…I am the mum with the unkempt hair and wearing the jeans with knee holes. Yes I do that.
Sometimes I even wear my yoga pants on the school run shock horror!
I hide in the kitchen and quietly sneak a biscuit out the tin…sssh!!
I tell the kids I am busy doing something important on my tablet…but really I am searching pinterest ☺
Sometimes I forget about the washing in the machine and end up rewashing it..oops!
But does this makes me a bad mum?
Nope just an honest one!
What about you?
Have you ever felt shamed for how you raise your kiddies?
What kind of things do you do?
Remember all for one, one for all.
We are all sisters of motherhood
No matter how you paint it
Mums rule on either side of the parenting coin.
Let’s stop the shaming
Be there for each other
Support each other
Don’t spread feelings of inadequacy
Imagine how hard it will be to raise kiddies to be loving and kind individuals. Teaching them that bullying is wrong.
Then having them see the chatty, backhanded comments we make without realising?!