No more mum shaming!

Good day all.

I have known about this ‘thing’ between mums for some time, but I never knew it had a name.
Thanks to the joys of the Google search engine I discovered its called “mom shaming”

Just recently our oldest has been learning to stay dry at nighttime. At 6am she gets up to pee, and then is too scared to go back in her bedroom. So we let her come in our bed for a bit.
I am not one for bed sharing generally and I have no problem with the concept. However in this instance to avoid a crying 4 year old in the wee hours of the morning I happily or should I say sleepily oblige.
However, when you talk to other mum there seems to be the ones that say “oh goodness I would never let my children share a bed with me” bringing up all these facts just to make you feel awful. So you then try and rethink what you do.

I have always been the kind of person not to judge any mum for how they raise their children.

Something that has been in the news just recently is breastfeeding.
We are sold the idea during pregnancy that breast is best.
Now I have no doubt that it is. Its natural and free.
But not all mums can do it.
My mum never breastfed any of us…and she had 5 children
My oldest was born very small and wouldn’t latch on. So she ended up being formula fed.
Ariana was breastfed for 4 weeks and then formula fed.
James was breastfed for 6 weeks then I developed and infection and he has been breastfed ever since.

Now what bothers me is that when mums start breastfeeding their babies in a public place they are made to feel so awful. They are either asked to stop or leave. I was in a coffeeshop recently and was taking my daughter to the bathroom, when I walked in there was a young woman sitting on the floor breastfeeding her baby.
This poor woman was made to feel so bad that she was forced into the bathroom to feed her child.
I feel inadequate for not being able to breastfeed my babies for longer but I would never make anyone feel bad for feeding their child.
What we need to do is support each other. We are all mums no matter how we feed our kids we need to be there for each other.

This is a controversial one you may think.
Working mums Vs stay at home mums.
I am a stay at home mum.
When bella (my oldest) was born I was a working mum, as at the time it was the only option what with a big mortgage and bills to pay.
Will I be shamed for this?
I have been a stay at home mum for a year and a half now.
Hubby changed jobs and is just about earning enough to cover all things ☺

But what I found upsetting about this is that I am considered to be a lazy, jobless, government money claiming mum. Who only has children to claim all she can.
I find this so awful. If you don’t work boy are you shamed.

Apparently, being a mum isn’t a full time, 24 hour job…who knew!

But then you on the other side you have the working mum.
I find these women truly inspiring
They work full days, get home make dinner, feed the family, get them ready for bed and keep their houses clean!
They do so much its unreal.
But they are criticised for working.
For putting their child in daycare
For not raising them so to speak
I have heard the phrase “why did you have kids if you aren’t going to raise them” so many times.
It is very hurtful to judge.
They work because the have to. Its not always such a cut and dry situation.

Basically, its the whole thing with society again. We are given views on how parenting should be.

Breastfeeding vs bottle feeding

Bed sharing vs own bed

Dummies

Homemade baby food vs jarred baby food

Stay at home vs working

Homeschooling vs regular school

I think that we need to stick together as mums.
We all do the same job
We are all mums no matter how we parent.

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Me? I am not one for organic food, but I try and make homemade meals. When my babies are 4 months old I use the crying method to help them settle to sleep (a lot of mums don’t agree with this) I bottle feed and don’t use dummies.
If my kids are poorly or sad, they come in our bed
I stay down stairs with any of the kids that are teething
I make and freeze my own baby food
I am hyper organised with getting the kids ready for the day, but when it comes to me…I am the mum with the unkempt hair and wearing the jeans with knee holes. Yes I do that.
Sometimes I even wear my yoga pants on the school run shock horror!
I hide in the kitchen and quietly sneak a biscuit out the tin…sssh!!
I tell the kids I am busy doing something important on my tablet…but really I am searching pinterest ☺
Sometimes I forget about the washing in the machine and end up rewashing it..oops!
But does this makes me a bad mum?
Nope just an honest one!

What about you?
Have you ever felt shamed for how you raise your kiddies?
What kind of things do you do?

Remember all for one, one for all.
We are all sisters of motherhood
No matter how you paint it
Mums rule on either side of the parenting coin.

Let’s stop the shaming
Be there for each other
Support each other
Don’t spread feelings of inadequacy
Imagine how hard it will be to raise kiddies to be loving and kind individuals. Teaching them that bullying is wrong.
Then having them see the chatty, backhanded comments we make without realising?!

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15 thoughts on “No more mum shaming!

  1. What an inspiring post. I am a new mother, and I was just thinking this morning about how I worry with every decision I make for my girl. I worry because I wonder what other people will think. I worry that one day when I’m breastfeeding in public someone is going to make an ugly comment to me. I mention that I don’t intend on using corporal punishment, and people quote Proverbs to me and make it seem like if I am a Christian that I HAVE to spank my children.

    There are so many decisions we have to make as mothers, and those decisions are based on so many other variables. We need to start accepting one another and sticking up for one another, you are right!

    So – go you! You are an amazing mother simply because you ARE a mother! Do what you feel is best for your children, and don’t worry about the rest. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for reading. I used to worry what people thought too, but now I realise I am doing what is best for my children and I try not to think about those who may be judging me ☺
      So don’t you worry about what people may say or think! You are a mum, so you are amazing already ☺

      Like

  2. We should absolutely stick together and accept what others do. We have to learn that only we know what is right for us, which in return doesn’t have to be right for others.
    My daughter is 11 now. I wasn’t able to breastfeed her past 4 weeks, it just didn’t work out for us, but I never felt bad because of it. It just wasn’t meant to be. But, shocker, she turned out just right. We let her into our bed when she felt the need to crawl in. I would have never forced her to stay alone if she was scared because of something. We don’t spank and never have. Never.
    I don’t judge others and in return don’t want to be judged either.
    Believe me, you are doing everything right just the way you are doing it. You are a mother and your gut tells you what is right for you and your children. You are doing an amazing job! Never let anyone tell you something else!

    Like

  3. Yes, yes, yes! We need to stick together. All of the trying to figure out what that smell is in the hallway only to discover that it is the clothes you left in the washing machine two days ago, dropping the kids off at school in pajama pants and *gasp* unbrushed hair, and sometimes allowing them to veg out in front of the TV so we can take a short nap Moms unite!!! We are doing our very level best and what we aren’t doing, God is in control of!
    Shew.. you made me feel better.
    Thank you!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I completely agree. I have chosen a more “natural” route in a lot of ways, but I have definitely felt like I was in the middle of a mommy war zone because of it. I have never felt like my way was the only way or the best way and I try to make other moms feel included no matter what the differences are.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Yes, this is so spot on. There’s way too much time spent on debating who’s the best mom, um it’s hard already we really don’t need to make it harder on each other. I’ve been judged about bottle feeding, discipline issues, choosing to homeschool, etc. Great post!

    Like

  6. Love your post. Hah, I’m a single working Mum – you should hear some of the things I have to listen to (people – especially other Mums – are so judgemental, it’s frightening!!)….in total agreement that we should, as Mums, learn to stick together….everyone has their own ways of doing everything, no one is correct across the board, because there is no ‘one solution fits all’ because all children – even children within one family – are different, are individuals……LOVE this post, it’s so great!

    Liked by 1 person

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