Let it go.
Pretty sure when you read that phrase a certain song may have popped up in your head…sorry!
So much of that song resonates with me – but I don’t want to discuss frozen today.
I am not the type of person that can easily let go of things.
In fact I am pretty sure there are boxes all over my mind filled with things I just can’t let go of…
Sometimes I hold on so tightly I feel myself pulled along by my past..it leads me into feeling pain that I don’t want to feel anymore.
I feel as though I am surrounded by a weight that will not lift.
As though I hold on to a balloon filled with lead not air – so my pain cannot float away.
It weighs upon my heart and my mind.
I need to let go of my metaphorical balloon.
Realise that I cannot change what has already happened.
Accept that my past doesn’t define who I am today, and that I don’t need to dwell on it.
To allow my wounds to heal…finally.
To discover that yes it may hurt to let go, but it has hurt me so much more holding on.
As I sit here typing this, I am dwelling.
I am looking back on things that have broken my heart, crushed my self confidence and destroyed my self esteem.
I sat in the car earlier recalling how it felt to have my friends turn their back on me.
One day I arrived at school to find they had all decided to pretend I didn’t exist.. I was 13.
I sat in my classroom listening to them talk about me, spewing words of hate..
I am almost 30 and I am still holding on to pain from my school years…I don’t consider this to be OK.
But I can’t let go.
But I am almost demanding myself to finally let go.
Here’s my plan –
I am going to take a metaphorical walk.
I am going to write down each moment from my past that I am clutching onto (in my mind) and tie them to a bunch of balloons.
I will let go of that bunch of balloons.
I will watch my past float away.
I will move on from my sadness, pain and anger.
I will finally be happy.
I will finally be able to go on and not define myself from my past.
…and to quote Elsa –
I’m never going back, the past is in the past….let it go, let it go I’ll rise like the break of dawn.
Goodbye past, hello happy