Books I read – 2015

Books are a lifeline for me.
Books are an escape.

Unfortunately lately I haven’t had a huge chance to sit back and read, but I managed to squeeze a few in 😊

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1. Call the midwife –
Everyone knows about the TV show. Not everyone knows that Jennifer Worth wrote a series of books on her experience as a midwife in the 1950’s. I have only read the first book, but I tell you what I couldn’t put it down – so I look forward to getting the rest of them 😊

2. The fault in our stars –
John Green is a genius. Nuff said.
Alright, I read this book in 2 days..yes it was that good.
I fell in love with the characters right from the start, and I decided that  Augustus Waters is my new literary love ❤ read it and trust me!

3. Gone girl –
I will admit that I originally brought this book in order to understand the hype behind it..but I thoroughly enjoyed it.
It was really thrilling and twisty…trust me I didn’t see the end coming! It creeped up on me real good! I haven’t watched the film but the book I will give an A.

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4 + 5 The killing place + keeping the dead –
Alright, I will be honest this is not my typical boom genre. But I got hooked on rizzoli and isles a while back – so I decided to try out the books. Oh my goodness they are so good, so good!
There are a lot of plot twist and whodunnits which capture me and pull me in..right now I am half way through – the silent girl – my first audio book 👍

6. Divergent –
This was a what’s all the hype about purchase again..but totally worth it 😊 I was drawn into the story in no time. I haven’t got around to reading the other books in the series yet..but watch this space 😊

Those are the books I have read – and next year I plan to start reading some classics to the children – like The Hobbit, Peter Pan and Heidi.
Plus I have several in my to read list 😊

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I have heard great things about The girl on the train and Me before you – which are both currently downloaded to my tablet, waiting to be read 😊

Here’s hoping to a better read 2016 👍

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My battle with anxiety

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I am 1 of a percentage in the population that suffers from anxiety.
I consider anxiety to be a mental health disorder.
1 in 4 British adults suffer from at least one diagnosable mental health issue.

But I am not here to talk statistics today.
I want to share what I want people to know about anxiety – how it makes me feel, how I may come across to others.

Anxiety is not simple or straightforward.
It’s not black and white.

Those who suffer from an anxiety disorder know what I mean.

It is paralysing.

When I am in a group of people that I don’t know – I am silent.
Fear paralyses me.
I get irrational thoughts in my head that take over.
I fear being disliked straight off the bat.
I fear rejection.
I retreat inside myself and just become a non verbal mannequin.

This doesn’t make me a B***h
This doesn’t make me weird
This doesn’t make me worthy of your judgement
This doesn’t mean that I don’t want to talk to you
This doesn’t mean I am an angry person

Someone said to me once – you didn’t bother trying to get to know such and such at my party…why are you trying to talk to her now?

They didn’t seem to understand that social situations with people I don’t know terrify me.
I don’t want to be this way.
I don’t enjoy feeling this way.

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I feel confined never confident.
My heart races, my pulse quickens.
My hands tense into fists.
My nerves get the better if me and voice disappears – leaving me mute in a sea of chatter.

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This speaks volumes to how I feel when I open the door to a full room of people.

My anxiety began at the age of 10.
I developed a phobia of vomit/vomiting called emetophobia.
I spent the best half of the next 2 years unable to control it.
Several times when I felt ill, I ran away from home…thinking that running away from the feeling was logical thing to do.
I stopped eating all together, which triggered the beginning of my anorexia.

I became full of fear and irrational thoughts.
I became filled with dread whenever I felt ill or anyone else did.
If anyone in my home was sick I ran and hid for days in my room, not exiting until I knew it was gone.

Today, if my children vomit I get paralysed with fear and spend my time hiding in the kitchen when I should be taking care of them.
I just can’t bring myself to do it.
The last time it occurred I was washing the dishes and contemplated cutting open my hand so that I had a reason to be out of the house.

This may seem crazy to you, to those who don’t suffer with anxiety.
But to me it makes logical sense.

This is how it began.

But since the age of 10 it has escalated into so much more than just a paralysing fear.
The fear has given birth to many, many babies and bred into a crippling anxiety that leaves me breathless.

Some days are good, like today.
Some days are bad.

Last week, every time I got into the drivers seat of my car I started panicking.
My chest got tight, my breathing changed.

I feared having an accident.

It only occurred to me several days later what my thoughts were doing to me.
In my minds eye I could see all the bad scenarios playing out.
My thoughts just keep building until they make a hideous monster of a thought that takes over everything else.

I cannot help this feeling.
It takes over and there is nothing I can do.

I would love to say that I am confident, happy and outgoing.
On paper perhaps.
But in person no.

It hurts my heart to feel this way, but it is not something I can easily change.

If there is one thing I would want people to know its that –
I cannot help how feel
My anxiety takes over and leaves me almost empty.
I wish I didn’t feel this way.
It doesn’t make me a B***h

It makes me human.

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FMF – your choice

This is going to be fun!!
Last five minute Friday of the year ☺ and we get to choose our own word!!
Is it weird that this makes me ridiculously excited?! 🎉

So for the final time in 2015 I am joining in with Kate and her wonderful linkup.

The end if the year looming fills me with a sense of dread and happiness…a big old bowl of weird feelings 😶

Anyway, my choice of word for today’s prompt is – kindness
A nice one to end the year on ☺

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Ready, set, go.

I am going to share a pet peeve with you.

I got to the supermarket today, and went to park in a parent and child space..you know as you do.
Only for it be whipped out from under me by someone who didn’t need it..i was so mad I shouted out through the window at her.
After turning my car around, a gentleman saw I had 2 kids in my car and moved from his space for me to have it.

I was so thankful for that small act of kindness and generosity.
Were it not for him I would have had to park far away from the store and lug my 2 children across the car park, dodging cars.

Just yesterday a friend of ours handed my husband an envelope – I don’t need to tell you what was in it – but the kind act of generosity overwhelmed me to tears.
Just knowing that people think about us fills my heart with so much warmth.

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Kindness is so important.

In today’s world it is rather popular to look after yourself – ‘taking care of number 1’ they say over here.

I like to put my heart and soul into giving kind words to others.
Little acts of kindness can go such a long way.
We don’t know what struggles people may be enduring..a listening ear can be appreciated.
We don’t know what worries and hurt are beneath the surface…a warm, kind hug can help.
If someone needs to cry, let them and be the tissue they need.

Be the sparkle in someone’s day.
The rainbow in their grey cloud of emotion.
The sunlight after the rain.

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Be kind.
Kindness will make someone’s day.
It made mine.
It added some glitter to my day.

Stop.

Have yourselves a good day,

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10 lessons Disney movies have taught me

Alright, I am basically a child at heart.
Disney movies are my favourite.
I go to Disney land and get excited to meet my favourite characters 😊

But Disney isn’t just about cute, happy stories.
There are lessons in there too.
Now I am all for a good quote, I love quotes..inspirational, life lessons, cute..
But it never occurred to me before just how much we can learn from a good Disney film.

Here are 10 very profound quotes from Disney movies, that have taught me a lesson –

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Have you been taught any life lessons from a book or a movie?

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Inspirational Women – body positive campaigns

Body positive campaigns are something I am fully behind.
There should be more of them out there.
We need to spread the words ‘body positivity’ around like wild fire.

One woman spreading the word on body positivity is Silvana Denker.

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She is a plus size model and photographer from Germany.
She began her campaign #bodylove in October, in order to spread the importance of body acceptance and that all sizes are beautiful.. Yes!
This last weekend, she took her campaign to the streets of Germany

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She came up with the idea after realising just how much retouching occurs in photographs for editorial campaigns – both those she is in and those she takes.
She wanted to show the diversity of the human body

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There is not one perfect body.
This campaign helps highlight a more realistic existence than that of image alterations

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Not only women, but men are featured in this campaign!

I for one am happy about this – because we must remember that men struggle with body positivity too.
The media portray the importance of six packs and muscles on men.
They too struggle on a daily basis with the onslaught of ‘perfect bodies’ thrown our way.
I am behind her campaign 100%

What’s underneath campaign – by stylelikeu

This is a wonderful campaign.
They have a channel on YouTube.
Where they ask a select group of people to take part in a project – they will remove their clothes to honour how style is not the clothes you wear but comfort in your own skin.

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On their website here they share stories of fighters and survivors.
The stories are incredible and life affirming.
It’s an incredibly positive campaign.

Bravo to the ladies behind it.

#lessismore –

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This was began by a hashtag which was part of a petition started by eating disorder survivor, Erin Treloar.
Started, in order to expose the fashion industries reliance on Photoshop to create almost unrealistic images of perfection..and asks magazines to reduce their usage of it.
She is also CEO and founder of raw beauty talks which is an outlet to help girls to find their own body confidence and to love their bodies.

This is just a handful of body positive campaigns –
If you know of anymore, please send them my way 😊

Body positivity for the win!

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