FMF – morning

Happy Friday everyone!

The weekend is nigh 😊

And yes I am going to get my post done on Friday today!
I got back early from food shopping (for a change) and I am actually able to sit down for a brief period.

Yes I know, a mum getting free time..what?! 😂

Alright less waffle-y more writey

It’s time for one of my favourite parts of the week – five minute Friday
Where we get five minutes to write freely on a prompt given.
As you know I am joining in with Kate and her linkup

This weeks prompt – morning

Ready, set, go

I may have mentioned this before but I am a morning person
In fact I am also a night person.
I am one of those ridiculously annoying all day people.

Yea sorry about that.

Granted I don’t enjoy being awoken early by my brood of children…their idea of a suitable wake up time is 6am!

Nope, not going to happen.

However the upside of 6am starts is this

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Hello sunshine ☀

Watching the sunrise out my bedroom window is my favourite part of the day.
It makes early mornings totally worth it.

But do you know what else makes me so happy about mornings?

Its a fresh start
A clean piece of paper if you will, to record my day and memories upon.

If I have a bad day, emotionally.
I say to myself ‘it’s OK there is always tomorrow’ when the sun rises I can start again.

Just remember when you have a bad, there is always tomorrow

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Mornings also remind me that I am still here.
I am still moving forward, still being as strong as I can.

Last night I went to sleep stressed.
This morning I woke up full of anticipation for where my day would take me.

You may not be a morning person, and that’s OK.

Just remember ever morning you wake up is a blessing
Every morning is a new chapter 😊
Embrace mornings
Embrace the fresh start.

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Bucket list #34 – make a crochet blanket

I am back with another completed bucket list item woop!!

Last year I took up crochet.
It was something I had wanted to do for a while, but I procrastinated over it.

I had tried knitting (once..) a few years back but I couldn’t get my brain around all of the casting on and stuff…it made my brain kind of implode!

When I first tried crochet I was taught by a friend who unfortunately got her stitches mixed up…so things didn’t quite take the right shape.
At this point I gave up.

6 months later we got broadband in our house (yay!) so I was able to watch YouTube videos.

I discovered Bella Coco’s crochet tutorials (view here)
And the rest is history….

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My first project was the blanket top left.
I made it for a friends newborn girl last year 😊

Then I had the genius idea to make a blanket out of granny squares…it took me about 6 months to make…I finished it in January (bottom left)

It is a great way to calm my mind.
I have several projects going right now too.

I started a mood blanket for this year…which I can already tell is going to be huge…because it is essentially crocheting a square for everyday.. So imagine 365 squares put together eek!

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These are a few more of my projects..
A bunny for a newborn
A rose book mark
Pom-pom border
Dolls clothes

But I think it is safe to say I can cross off making a crochet blanket √

I will keep you posted on future projects 😊

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T@T – care

Alright so I am going to be very honest with you, this week has been a struggle.
Not because of half term, in fact that made no difference to my stress levels.
But I started dwelling on the fact that it’s been 26 years since my dad passed away and I have spent a great deal of this week hurting..thinking about how it would be if he were still here.

But I don’t want to spend all of my post talking about dad, because I am trying to get into a better place with it all…which is not easy.
But I will get there.

However, Bella passed another milestone this week –

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Just yesterday she lost her first baby tooth!
Exciting times!!
Oh and the one right next to it is literally hanging on by a thread…so she will have lost 2 in quick succession.
I will admit I really don’t think I was 5 when I lost my first teeth….in fact I spoke to some mums yesterday who said their kids were still waiting to lose their first teeth at age 6 + 7…
But hey ho all kids are different 🙂!
Maybe she doesn’t brush them enough 😉

Alrighty.

I am joining in this week again with Tuesday at ten where we are given a word each week to write on.

This weeks word is care.

Now I am the first to admit that I am the worst person when it comes to self care.
I always have been.
I have never been one for spending copious amounts of time on make up or lying in a relaxing bubble bath.
I don’t even really try to dress myself up anymore.
Looking back I remember when I was in my late teens/early twenties I always used to make an effort with my appearance.
I used to take care of myself.

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I was 19 in this picture I believe. It’s one of the only pictures of myself that I like.
But this was a time when self care was important to me.

Then my mental state took a downward spiral, and dragged everything about me with it.
So I stopped caring about myself, about my appearance, about myself.

At the time I didn’t realise just how important practising self care was going to be to my mental health.

Fast forward to me today.

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I am still pretty rubbish at self care.
In fact I am lucky to get 10 minutes in the shower!
But it is something I am working on.
I want to be my best self, I don’t believe I need to wear make up daily to be my best self.
And as much as I want to go shopping in my sweats and a baggy jumper, I force myself to change and look more ‘respectable’ – I believe that’s the word my mum used to use!

But I have been trying to build up ideas of ways to take care of myself –

Heres what I have –

Paint your nails…or use jamberry nail wraps 😊

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Relax on the sofa with a good book.
Listen to your favourite music.
Watch a movie that always makes you feel good.

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Get a haircut or a new hairstyle
I did this one just last month..I found I was kind of stuck in a hair rut..basically I had the same general style for 5 years.

Take a day out for you – with a friend or by yourself.
Sometimes it’s good to just sit and reflect on where you are.

Write a list of things that you like about yourself – to look back on.
This is something I need to do. I need to be kind to myself.

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Light some scented candles and blanket snuggle.
I am sucker for scented candles..especially vanilla!

I guess what I am trying to say is take time to look after you.

You work hard.
If you are a mum like me, you do so much for so many people and darn it its stressful.
And if you are anything like me, you take care of everyone else…except yourself!
Am I right?!

Those of us who work a job everyday – early start, late finishes. Working weekends. Working nights.
Where do you have time for you?
You don’t.

And those of us who are working mums.
I salute you, yes I do!
But where do you find time for self care?

But do you know what I realise now that not taking care of me, is just not good enough.

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This right here ⬆ truth.

Don’t ever feel ashamed of making time for yourself.
You deserve to be treated kindly by yourself.

It’s not a crime.

You deserve to take care of you.

Tonight I am going to paint my nails.
What about you?

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Young girls + body image

So I have been debating over and over about writing this piece.. and incase you were wondering pro writing it won!

Just last week I read a news article (link here) about a mother here in the UK that brought her 15 year old daughter a waist trainer to give her a more defined figure…seriously?!

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I believe she said that her daughter was inspired to get one by the kardashians..why am I not surprised!

But the fact that she feels her body isn’t good enough with out a wait trainer saddens me.

There are so many influences in the world that make people feel inferior about how they look –

Magazines
Films
TV adverts
Internet articles
Shop window displays and their mannequins

Even things that people say…the so called ‘helpful’ comments.

But I want to talk about how this affects children.

Children are very easily influenced –
If their friend has a new toy, they want it.
If their favourite pop star has a favourite food, its all the eat..and so on.
I believe a lot of advertisements are aimed at young children/young adults.

I used to buy alot of magazines, but I stopped because I found they were about 70% advertising campaigns – and I couldn’t cope with it all.

Photoshop after Photoshop
I can understand why young people are struggle with self love and body image.

There is a constant stream of –
Diet articles
Lose a stone in 7 days
Get bikini ready!
How to get a body like (insert celebrity name here)

Because essentially the thought process is –
Being thin is the most important thing.
And this is a damaging thought process.

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Ahh barbie!
The doll with the tiny body.
I always used to look and barbie and think ‘I want to look like you when I grow up’
I can’t be the only girl who has ever felt this way…
Scary thing is that barbie isn’t the worst doll influence anymore..

I think the Bratz dolls are.

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Tiny waist ✔
Massive pout ✔
‘Perfect’ eye makeup ✔
Shiny, really long hair ✔
I have never, and will never buy my daughters these dolls.
Simply because I don’t like them, and I just consider them to be very unrealistic portrayals of body image.

I wanted to share this image.

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It is a harrowing image.
It is so powerful.
This image resonates with me so much.
I remember being taken over by the fear of being fat when I was 10.
I would barely eat and exercise constantly.

I know that it is so important to instill positive body image in our children, because I was one of those children who developed an eating disorder from a lack of self love.

If you had a young child, his would you feel if this was happening to them?
If they felt pressured by society to lose weight
To be skinny
To be model perfect?

Because our children are rushing through childhood at an alarming rate..and times have changed.
It’s all about iPads, selfies, make up, high heels, and having beauty days.

Most of these things I don’t even do…and I am creeping very close to 30.

Kids don’t want to be kids anymore.
They want to be grown ups.

The girl with the waist trainer wants to fit into the mold of ‘perfection’ – which saddens me
Her mum buying this item for her is basically telling her she isn’t beautiful as she is.
She is sending the wrong message and I feel she will destroy her self esteem with this item.
I understand that the kardashians use them…but what you need to understand is they will do anything to remain within the column inches…and they should not be your role models.

We need to encourage our children to be children.
And not focus on looks.
Also taking care to not use negative words about our own appearance.
Because children almost always want to copy their parents.
So we need to set an example for them to reflect.

I want my daughters to grow up feeling good about themselves.
Loving who they are.
Having a positive body image.

But for now my children are going to be children.

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I miss you.

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I hate this time of year.
I know, hate is a strong word.

But I hate this time of year, in the same way I hate motorways.
In fact I hate motorways for the same reason.

In 2 days time it will have been 26 years since we lost you.
26 years since I last saw you.
26 years since I last heard you voice.

26 years.

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Every time I think of you my heart breaks.
Not a day goes by where I wish I had known you.
Had the chance to learn from you, to be taught by you.

I know you were strong.
Brave.
True.
Kind.
Heroic.

But I never got to know you.

To be a daddy’s little girl.

Soon I will be 30.

You never got to see my milestones.
Walk me down the aisle.
See your grandchildren.

You may have only been in my life a short while, but I miss you everyday.
I will be forever grateful for you being in my life.

My memories are few.
But you are always there, I my heart.

Because of you I have inner strength.
Because of you I know I can be brave.
Because of you I do my best to spread kindness like glitter.

Because of you I am strong.

This week will be hard.
This week will break my heart.
This week is pushing me to my emotional brink.

I miss you. I miss you.

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FMF – limit

It’s that time of the week again, yay!

Another five minute Friday.
Y’all know the drill (ooh check me out going all American!)
I am joining in with kate and her weekly linkup of writers.
For five minutes of free writing on a given subject 😊

This weeks prompt – limit

Ready, go

I find it somewhat ironic that this is the prompt for this week.
Today I reached my limit.

I literally woke up this morning feeling deflated.

My day hadn’t even begun and my limit for interaction and general movement was firmly in place.

But I have 3 children that need me to get up and take care of them so I did, albeit I regretted it.

I have had a short fuse today with everyone.

Don’t get me wrong I interacted with everyone, Bella and I made cornflake cakes and I did face painting on the girls – I really didn’t want to – but I pushed myself.

Fast forward to dinner time.

I spent the best half of an hour cooking.
Gave the kids their dinner.
James threw all of his on the floor.
So I spent the next 10 minutes picking it all up, my eyes stinging with tears.

I then retreated to the bathroom locked the door, sat down and cried my eyes out.

My limit was reached…and took a dive off a cliff edge.
My limit is now far in the distance…it can no longer be seen

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I feel like a balloon with no air right now.
Flat and empty.

Unfortunately for me I can’t help where my limits lie.
Depression and anxiety have built a ridiculously high wall around my mind and my limits are low.

I hate to admit this because I feel like a failure for not being able to bring myself out of my brain.

What saddens me is that now my limit has been passed I am going to find difficulty in functioning for a few days, which is hard with half term next week.

My heart is in a thousand pieces.
My mind is swimming with insecurities.

I reached a limit, and I let myself go too far passed it.
Now I am broken.

Don’t do what I did today.
Don’t force your limits.

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