FMF – Unite

Happy Friday.

It is finally the weekend.

But before we celebrate the joy of the weekend..I want to take a moment.

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A moment to reflect on the life and music of prince.
He was an incredible musician, and his wonderful music will live on to delight generations to come.
Prince, you were a one of a kind, talented fellow and you will be missed!

On that sad note, I would like to move on to five minute Friday.

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I am determined to get it in on time today 😊

As you know I am joining in with kate and her linkup of lovely writers.
Enjoying five minutes of free writing!

This weeks prompt is – unite

Ready, set, go.

Often I find myself looking around at the world and thinking how much better it would be if we were there for one another.

People don’t support each other any more.
There is no love for neighbour.

Mothers are pitted against each other.
If you breastfeed – people have an opinion
If you bottle feed – people have an opinion
If you raise your child in a different way than the next person, it isn’t good enough.
As mothers we need to support one another.
We are all mothers.

Women are pitted against each other.
Body size/shape
Hair colour
The amount we eat/don’t eat
We are almost forced to put ourselves into a box of apparent ‘perfection’.
We shame each other.
We don’t take a stand and say “we are all women, and we are all beautiful!”

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These are just 2 examples of things we need to unite in.

We can unite in grief.
But we can’t unite and stand proudly together.

My heart breaks seeing all the pain caused by those who are negative towards others.
I desperately want to unite people and to tell them they aren’t alone.
I want people to know that my heart is full.
I grieve at the dis-unity (yes I made up a word)

Love can unite
Kindness can unite
Strength can unite

Be strong, stand strong
Be a united front.

Stop.

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FMF – easy

Morning!

I say this in quite possibly the most sarcastic and exhausted manner!
Hubby got up at 6.15am which generally wakes our son…so right now we are sat downstairs at 6.50am watching peppa pig 😒

I am not going to lie, I really don’t like peppa pig!
I find her very rude and annoying lol!
Although, I don’t think I know any parent who enjoys kids TV!

Alright, so I am ridiculously behind with five minute friday…incase you didn’t realise it’s Monday…so yea 🙄 we will just pretend I did it on time 😏
Unfortunately last week just got away from completely –
For starters this happened

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Total emotional day right there 😢 for me…she couldn’t wait 😊
I wasn’t sure how she would react, because she has been with me since she was born..no day care or anything.. so I was a bit dubious.
But we got there and she said “bye mummy see you Sunday!” 😂

She found it very easy.

That brings us to this weeks prompt.
Easy.

As usual I am joining in with kate and her weekly linkup of lovely bloggers who take time out to free write for five minutes a week 😊

Are you ready?

Ready, set, go

When I first ready this week prompt I got a song stuck in my head

🎶 I am easy like Sunday morning 🎶
In fact it still in my head now!

But ironically Sunday mornings aren’t that easy.
In fact most days aren’t easy.

Throw motherhood together with early mornings, school runs and toddler tantrum and you get a mixture of what I like to call ‘stress pie’.

Right now my oldest has an attitude rather resembling that of a teenager 😒 which adds to my stress levels greatly, it makes things somewhat more difficult.

But nobody ever said motherhood was easy.

In fact I don’t think I have ever heard anyone say life is easy.
Because let’s face it, it isn’t.

We all face hardships, some more than others.
The strongest people I know are the ones who have struggled and worked through hardships to be where they are today.

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In order to be that strong person, you have to have a strong heart, a strong spirit and a strong will.

Because life is not easy.
Most days it is a hard struggle.

Everyone has their own hurdle of hardship to jump over.
But what helps me through is knowing that I am not alone.

I have Jehovah God to help me through difficulty’s and hardships.
He gives me the strength I need to survive.
I can approach him in prayer and ask for his help.
He will help me to see a way through it.

To have someone on your side helps life just that little bit easier.

Maybe then it will be easy like Sunday morning 😊

Stop.

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The big 3-0 • what have I learned in 30 years?

It’s Monday!

and it’s the final day of the school holidays… Finally!

You may have noticed my absence for the last week, but I had 3 very poorly kids with viral infections!

One after another after another 😢 then poor Ariana got an eye infection – because apparently she doesn’t have enough eye troubles!

Oh did I mention she had her first eye appointment with her glasses – turns out she still can’t see well though her left eye with her glasses on 😢 if was the first time someone mentioned eye surgery before.
I am not going to lie it scared me.
It never occurred to me that her eyes were that bad you know?!
But she has eye patches now to try and strengthen it – I am literally praying it works!

Watch this space for updates.

Alright, so I don’t celebrate birthdays as part of my religious beliefs – but tomorrow I turn the big 3-0 and I wanted to write a post about stuff I have learned over the years –

Nothing quite like getting old to make you reminisce lol!

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Born in the 80’s, raised in the 90’s

80’s the decade of big hair, shoulder pads and power suits for women.

90’s the decade of shell suits, convenience food and nirvana.

I recall wearing patterned leggings and I was kind of the Queen of fluffy jumpers for several years.

I also recall culottes.. man who remembers those?!
Essentially shorts that look like a skirt!
Man my mum put me in some awesome stuff…😒

I am also pretty sure I used to wear stick on earrings, mainly because my mum wouldn’t let me get them pierced like my friends 😒

So I guess number 1 on my list would be –

1. To appreciate your parents
This one is a no brainer for me at least. When you lose a parent at a young age it makes you truly appreciate the family you have left

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.

I also recall getting £1 pocket money, and only being allowed sweets on Friday.
Getting to go bike riding alone on the weekends.
Playing rugby in the back fields…yea I grew up with 4 brothers!
Having water fights with buckets full of water.
And when you had dinner, there was no meal options.. It was like it or lump it!

I remember making friends in primary school and thinking they would be friends forever!

My 2nd thing on the list would be –

2. You can count your true friends on 1 hand
This is a biggie for me. In fact I have heard this many a time in my life. But I can hand on heart say this is so very true.
Those who I call my friends are those I trust. Those who are honest, kind and decent.
During my school years I found myself surrounded by those who would do me harm and hurt. Those who felt they could toss me aside, that I didn’t matter.
But it took me a long time to realise they weren’t my friends.

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Those are the biggies.
Here is what else I have learned –

• life is better with love in it
I never felt as though I deserved love. But now I have it, I am so incredibly grateful. Life is a whole lot better when it is filled with love – whether it be to another person, loving yourself or loving life or all 3..we all need a little love.

• there will be moments where you think that your problems are so big and consuming
I remember when we were first married and brought our first house, we literally had no money. Money would go in and straight out on the mortgage, which left none for food. But that was 8 1/2 years ago now, we are in a better place 😊 problems shall pass!

• life is better with kids
Don’t get me wrong it is one of the hardest things I have ever done, but incredibly fulfilling.

• you can do anything if you put your mind to it
Yes you can!

• you are good enough, and worthy

• always read the book before watching the movie
Nuff said!

• money doesn’t buy happiness, just things

• you deserve love

• life is better with pasta
Pasta is my life!

• all those things you want to do, you should do them

• travel is good
I have been more places than I ever thought I would

• cereal dinner is an acceptable thing

• be good to yourself

Those are my pearls of wisdom!
Do you have any?

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The dark shadow on your shoulder – depression

I have written on this subject before.

I have shared and tried to teach others that depression is a serious illness.
Because often I get the impression that people see depression as ‘just feeling a bit sad’

No sorry. Just no.

Depression isn’t about felling a little sad or having a down day.

It is all encompassing.
It is like a negative, black shadow that follows you around.
Like a weight tied around your waist, stifling your movements.
Like living inside a body that is fighting to survive, with a mind that is trying to give up.

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This image here, almost reached out to me and pulled me into it.
I look at it and I know exactly how it feels to be there.

Those words, are words I say to myself almost daily.
I am a master at putting myself down.

For years I have fought and struggled on.
For a long time I fought alone, in silence.

Just me and my shadow.

The shadow that dug it’s claws into me and refused to let go.

For so long I hid how I was feeling from friends, family, loved ones.
I guess I figured that they wouldn’t understand.

And I guess in some way they don’t.

Sometimes unless you have struggled yourself, it’s hard to understand and put yourself in their shoes.

When I was struggling deeply with PPD I tried to open up to my mum, bearing in mind my mum grew up in a time where depression was not talked about and even more of a taboo subject than it is today.

Her response was “what do you have to be depressed about?”
I know she meant well.
But unfortunately for my mum she had no I idea what kind of thing was happening inside my mind.

There have been moments over the years where I have almost reached breaking point.

It’s not something I share often, but during my last pregnancy I locked myself in the bathroom with a bunch of pills and were it not for my daughter knocking on the door – I am almost 100% certain I would have taken them.

I was constantly thinking negative thoughts.
I was constantly pushing myself further and further into a black hole, which very nearly became an abyss – of which I may not have been able to come back from.

The more you tell yourself “you aren’t good enough” and “everyone would be better off without you” the more you believe it.

It’s like writing something in permanent ink, once it’s there it will not disappear.

I think that one of the worst things to hear is –
” what do you have to be sad about? There are so many more people worse off than you are”

This kind of proves how people do not understand depression. They see it as wallowing in self pity – but what they don’t realise is self pity is something you can come out of.
Depression tears you down, tells you you aren’t good enough. Pours on guilt and shame. Breaks your spirit.
It overwhelms you with feelings if worthlessness and tells you you deserve to feel this way, to be punished.
And to have someone say that I am feeling sorry for myself and that I am ungrateful for what I have crushes me.

I already feel like I badly in myself, this makes it worse.

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I was always very good at putting on the face of “I’m OK”
I still am.

I guess I don’t like to burden people with my problems.
I always feel as though people have their own troubles to deal with without me adding to it.

And that is where I went wrong.
That is where I allowed my shadow to win.

Let me tell you, speaking out has lifted so much weight off my over burdened shoulders.
It has also helped to break the stigma surrounding depression – and how it is not something to be taken seriously.

But it IS something to be taken seriously.
It is a subject that NEEDS talking about.
The stigma NEEDS to be broken.

Sadly so many people take their own lives because the suffer in silence.

We need more of an area of help for those who suffer from depression.
We need there to be more of an understanding that it is an illness.

I will keep saying it until people listen.

The more stories I read about people who are battling or have battled, the more my heart breaks.

I will keep doing my part to help break the stigma surrounding depression, for those who suffer and those who are sadly no longer with us.

We owe them that.

I have said it before and I will say it again –

Even if you feel alone, or like you don’t have a friend in the world.
You have a friend here.
You have a friend in me.

Don’t ever hesitate or think I don’t want to hear your troubles.
I do.
I want to help.
I will be there for you.

I am your friend.

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