Mums, it’s OK to have a bad day.

Last week I crumbled under increasing pressure.

Its no secret that I have struggled with anxiety and depression for years.

But this felt different somehow. Like I might not be able to come back from it.

I got up as I normally do, got the kids up. Then something was said that made me snap.

So I got dressed, put my shoes on, got in the car and drove off.

To this day I can’t tell why it happened – but it did.

That day is a blur of tears for me. I don’t cry often. But this day was an extreme exception.

I think what people don’t seem to realise is that being a stay at home is a lonely job.

Don’t get me wrong I live my kids deeply, but when you spend 24/7 with 3 people under the age of 7 it can be a lot you know.

I guarantee someone will read this and say “well maybe you shouldn’t have kids then” or “then go back to work” – all excellent advice I’m sure, but I am not complaining about being a stay at home mum, but merely making an observation.

We as mums have a lot of pressure put on us – not just from ourselves but from others too.

We want to be the perfect mums.

Doing everything as the books say. Like a stepford mum if you will.

But most days I walk around the house in my yoga pants, I don’t wear make up and I rarely do anything with my hair.

My house is generally tidy (if you count toys everywhere as tidy).

Dinner is ready at a certain time, but we don’t eat at the table (don’t judge)

My washing pile never seems to shrink. and I don’t iron.

Yes I give my kids chicken nuggets.

Most days I make dinner and it’s picked apart and left by the kids.

I rarely get dinner for myself until 8pm.

I often feel like a failure as a mum. Like I don’t do enough.

But my friends will tell me I am doing a great job, so my brain is conflicted.
Everyday is the same, and often feel like I am on a hamster wheel that I can’t get off of.

You can only go so far running on empty.

And right now I feel as if I am. Like I have come to a brick wall so I have to stop.

But do you know what – it’s OK to feel this way.

Unless I stop and take time to refuel then I will crumble, like I did last week.

As mums were allowed to have a bad day.

Because, let’s face it we have a great deal of things do each day, let alone trying to keep our kids alive!
As a mum with depression and anxiety I find it increasingly hard.

Some days are harder than others.

But it’s OK.

It’s OK not to be perfect.

It’s OK to not be OK.

It’s OK to have a bad day.

Sometimes we all need time to self care.
And ladies that’s OK.

FMF – joy

Well hello.

I took a little break away from writing for a few weeks – I felt a little lost, a little bit like I had lost my mojo.

So I took some time to reflect and try to rejuvenate myself.

Because sometimes it is important to take the time out for self care.
But I am back and hoping to not get stuck in a writing rut – 2016 has been tough year, in so many ways.

Roll on 2017…am I right?!

Here goes – five minute friday.

Joining in with kate and her linkup of lovely writers.

Taking five minutes to write on a prompt. No deleting. No editing.

This week’s word – joy
Ready, set, go.
Joy can be found everywhere. You just have to look.

The world is sometimes a really scary, dangerous place.

But there is also joy.

Joy in giving.

Joy in kindness and in love.

Joy in the ordinary.

Joy in happiness.

There is also joy in just showing up you know.

You can be your own joy, your own light.

Joy is a decision, a journey you choose.

Joy can be found in small moments, some you might not even notice at the time.

Joy is a blessing.

Joy is a joy.

Joy is a wonderful thing. 

Its an amazing feeling.

I sometimes struggle to find the joy. To hold onto it.

But I know that joy is there, I just have to grasp it.

We all need to find the joy in life.