You may have noticed a slight absence from me lately.
It has taken me a long time to get the courage to write this post.
About a week and a half ago I suffered what can only be described as a mental breakdown.
I was in a pretty bad place.
I am still not in a great place if I am honest.
But I am very good at putting on my “I am fine” face if you know what I mean.
In fact i am wearing it today.
I have been back and forth writing this for a week, trying to pick out the right words.
When i went to see my parents, they didn’t understand the way i was feeling – but they grew up in a different generation – where mental illness was not talked about and hidden away in hospitals.
I got the usual comments – what do you have to be depressed about? Is Matt helping out at home? Etc etc.
They forced my hand in going to the doctor. I wasn’t going to.
In telling the doctor about everything – she didn’t really look like she knew what to say to me or what to do. Which didn’t exactly fill me with confidence.
But i got put back on antidepressants. 2 weeks ago tomorrow.
I will admit that. I have before. I am not ashamed of it.
I am a mum and have depression.
I am a mum and i have anxiety issues.
I am a mum and sometimes i want to be alone.
I am a mum and i am on antidepressants.
This doesn’t make me a failure. I thought it did.
I thought it made me the worst mum. But it doesn’t.
It makes me strong for getting help.
For putting my hand up and admitting my problem. I am honest and brave.
If you are a mum and feeling down or depressed just know it’s ok to feel this way.
It’s also ok to get help.
It’s ok to reach out.
It’s ok to take medication to help.
It’s ok to not be ok.
I am not ok but i will be.